★★....So the last couple of months have definitely been a roller coaster ride for me...to say the least ★ ★
...Where in the hell do I even begin??????????? ☠
So I have definitely realized that I don't know what I want in a man! See...lately I have been caught up on guys having status and looking halfway decent. I have totally loss sight in what I used to have in mind and envisioned in a man. I used to want a man that was confident, strong , masculine, protective(not too protective) ,someone that understood and embraces their blackness. Lately, I have ended up with fine, dumb, over protective and insecure men looking for one night stands.
I have placed myself in situations that I would have never placed myself in!!! I have placed my pride aside on many occasions in order to please the other party ☄....Erased my morals to make others happy...loss my values and myself!!
When I look in the mirror I barely recognize myself&& truth be told I don't care to. I am scared that I will have to face all the shameless shit that I have done. Now don't get it twisted I am far from a hoe...But I have placed myself in situations to give people that impression..☹... I have definitely realized that I fucked up with a certain person...Instead of being content with a person I knew I could grow to love and they would do the same...I went searching for someone else...Someone with more status...
People can be so cruel and insensitive when you are trying to change. I realize that I am an addict...Not necessarily a sex addict but someone addicted to the drive of getting someone and the emotional and sexual build up ☀I have talked to my girls and I need help...&& the only way I can help myself and change is if I confront my problems head on with no fear..☂...now that does not mean I am going to stop writing on this blog because this a sex and relationship blog...but that does not mean that I have to exploit myself or take place in things that compromise me....They say college is the place you find and discover yourself...but it has become the place where I have loss myself!...
I know there are plenty of freshman girls in college that can relate to the experience and how it feels finding or in my case losing yourself!!!!...I will definitely keep the post coming and I am going to do my best to start back posting everyday...
Be Blessed :-)
*** Outspoken Goddess***
